work it girl

The one wedding blog I have been truly, truly truly addicted to since getting engaged is Wedding Bee. I don't know why I feel the need to check it at least five times a day, but I do. I get attached to their bloggers. I can't help it. Most of the posts are related to wedding planning (e.g. flowers, dresses, choosing a caterer, music selection, invitations, etc.,), but once in a while someone writes a really good post about relationships. Just this morning one of the newest bloggers (miss seahorse - yes they all have weird nicknames) wrote a really lovely post about her relationship with her fiancee. (and i quote)

We have had so much fun, and we have supported each other through heartbreak, through depression, through big decisions. We have learned how to talk to each other, how to listen to each other and to ourselves, and how to be a family. We are always doing the work.


Marrying her, I expect, will always be work. It is work planning this wedding; it is work discussing and deciding what we want our marriage to be. It is work when it is not about the wedding or the marriage, but whose turn it is to walk the dog or clean the litter boxes. It is work in many little ways and some big ways and all of this work is so worth it.

I love this in so many ways. I think that there is a myth (in the US? In pop culture? In Chicago? I have no idea where it originates) that relationships are supposed to be easy. The myth goes hand in hand with love at first sight, maybe. That whole idea that if this person just doesn't automatically get me that this must not be the real deal. The " this partner is no good because I actually have to work at communicating  my needs to them" mentality. If someone is operating under these expectations, how will they ever be happy?

On the total flip side - there is another myth that relationships are supposed to be hard, especially for heterosexual women. This is the "no man ever wants to commit", "he is just playing hard to get", and/or "I (the woman) am just being too needy" myth.  I think this sort of thinking is just as detrimental as it promotes subjugating your own wants/needs.  Plus, I think this sort of thinking leads lots of people to make excuses for partners who are acting like a-holes.

Anyways, I think that the quote above is an example of a nice balance between the work and the good stuff. And I'm pretty sure that the work is at least part of the good stuff.